Confidence without concealer

Growing up in a world full of unrealistic beauty ideals has been tough for us all. "I miss the good old days..." Is a phrase we begin to understand with no questions asked, it must have been good back then, back before companies realised they could benefit from our insecurities.

I have suffered from acne since the moment I hit puberty. From what I remember the spots came before the blood. I was in year 7 at the time, so as you can imagine I became very self-conscious, which added stress to my already awkward personality. Whenever I looked in the mirror I'd fixate on my spots, they were always the first thing I noticed. “I’d be pretty if I didn’t have spots” I’d hear myself saying. People who are blessed with good skin don’t understand, as much as they try to. They don’t understand the detrimental affects acne can have on your confidence and self-esteem. People tend to obsess over one minuscule spot they have (that probably occurs around 3 times a year may I add). For some people spots are a minor issue -if an issue at all. But to me and those suffering from acne, it begins to become the bane of our lives and the sad reasoning behind most cancelled plans. The amount of times I have stayed in because my spots make me want to stay hidden is beyond me. I rarely let things or people consume me, but spots took over my whole life (excuse the drama). What makes it even crazier is seeing people going through puberty with absolutely flawless skin, like how? Why did god choose me to have acne? Why am I still suffering from acne when I’m way past puberty? In reality, acne just picks and choses who he wants to target. Unlucky for me I was born into a family that genetically have bad skin, the one thing I took from my dads side of the family, thank you McMulkins, thanks for all the spots…

My younger self

When I was in high school, I wouldn't dare leave the house without a full face of make-up. I remember being in my first relationship when I was 15 and I'd put make-up on just to go to the shop down the road, my boyfriend at the time would be so confused, asking me why I needed to put make-up on when the shop was a two minute walk away. At the time I thought he was just being polite and trying to make me feel better, because I genuinely felt like I needed make-up on if I wanted to be seen. I didn't want people to see my real skin, my acne-riddled, gross skin. A mask was necessary for me to hide behind, I had to wear this armour even when roaming the quietest streets. I managed to grow out of this make-up phase when I went to university. Luckily, I made friends with people who were open and honest with me and told me just what I needed to hear. I still vividly remember one particular time. It was around 8 in the morning after a big night out, I decided to take my mask off and show my friends the real me. As I wiped away the make-up, my friend held my face, looked me dead in the eye and told me how beautiful my natural skin looked.

My eyes teared up and I thanked him because I truly needed reminding, I always knew it but I would refuse to admit it. Every time I painted my face with make-up, I knew I was making it worse, I was making myself look like a clown. Most the time, make-up didn't give me the confidence I longed for. But then again I didn't real know what I longed for, other than to be comfortable in my own skin.

Beauty standards of Today

Nowadays the beauty world is infinite. "Don't have an insecurity? That's okay, we will find one for you," is the slogan they may as well be shoving down our throats. Beauty products in the modern world have expanded drastically and our insecurities have matched them. It's not just products these days, botox has became a new craze once again. Lip fillers, tattooed eyebrows, anti-wrinkle injections and so much more is accessible from people who aren't even fully qualified! It can became a dangerous ball game when getting these treatments done. We could literally walk into a plastic surgeon's office, request the 'instagram model' look and they would know exactly what we're on about. It's scary because the harsh truth is we are all turning into clones of each other. We are being sheep when we need to be lions. Our society has became so brainwashed with trying to look perfect, we start forgetting who we are and how to live our lives the way we want to. Not the way other people expect us to live or set the 'standard' to live up to. We are our own beings, on our own journey, we need to accept ourselves for who we are then others can start accepting us too.

Does anyone else agree that these instagram filters are getting out of hand?

Instagram filters have became uncontrollable, normalising face lifts and plump lips. Never once have I been bothered about my eye colour, I actually thought I had really nice eyes and was happy that I was blessed with blue, until one day I find a filter that changed them to brown eyes. Since that filter came into my life I have been obsessed over having brown eyes, noticing how much prettier I'd look with them ... no one could tell me different, the filter spoke for itself. From this day on I will only wear brown contact lenses (jokes obviously I wouldn't as that would be a proper ball ache). However, this filter just made me realise that no one is happy with the way they look, we always want what we can't have and that will always be the case. I guarantee if I was born with brown eyes I would be wishing for blue everyday of my life!

Instagram really does have a massive impact on how we portray ourselves and for most, it's hard not to compare the way we look to the beautiful, skinny models we see day in, day out on our feed. Instagram must know they are one of the biggest causes of depression, anxiety and even suicide in todays society. So why are they making it worse with these ridiculous filters that change our whole faces to supposedly make us prettier?! In reality, we don't look prettier, we just look different to how we usually look, which is what we perceive as pretty because we struggle to find the beauty in ourselves. It's sad and horrible to see but it's reality, social media has ruined our self esteems especially Instagram. we are the sad generation and it's just going to get worse and worse... Why can't we just be content with how we naturally look? People feel the need to go out and get lip fillers, because they want 'blowjob lips' or because all their mates are doing it.

Instagram has to emphasise the fact we are unhappy. But why should we let an app that isn't even a quarter of our age determine our happiness?

Thank you if you made it this far, this next part is dedicated to you:

This poem was one of the first proper ones I wrote, the first one I looked back at and thought "damn I'm pretty good!" I hope you enjoy it just as much 4 years on...

Instagram Whore

Why do we constantly believe everything we see on instagram? 

Her figure doesn’t look like that, nah are you mad!

Instagram can hide peoples true side,

Girls using filters to make them less wide,

So why are we all so concerned? 

About the pretty girls we follow, the likes you dish out but rarely get in return.

But it doesn’t matter about the likes,

That girl probably took 50 photos in her new tights.

It may come across that she’s leading the perfect life,

Looking like the kind of girl to make the perfect wife.

In reality that’s all a front,

How can I put this without sounding blunt? 

I don’t care about your gym gains or stupidly good thighs, 

People may seem interested but that’s mainly just thirsty guys,

Don’t believe everything you see on social media,

Instagram can become a girls encyclopaedia.

Do they realise no one cares? 

Because quite frankly instagram is all a lie,

The reasoning behind why most young girls lie awake and cry,

Tears streaming down their face constantly asking themselves why? 

Why don’t I look like that? 

Why do I feel so fat? 

Why can’t I just be her? 

Anyone for that matter, I’d still prefer,

How does she always look so good, 

If I could wish to be her I would. 

Instagram is destroying our beautiful souls,

Aspiring to look like her shouldn’t be your goal,

Stop with the self doubt,

This is what children should’ve been taught about,

Those girls use filters to hide their pores,

Editing their pictures for hours before.

Uploading a selfie like it’s their daily chore,

So know your self worth and embrace those flaws,

Come to the realisation that it’s all one big bore,

Because there’s a name for those girls and it’s instagram whores.